just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize