Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
