Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
