I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
