thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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