you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
