Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize