Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
