I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had sex on a roof
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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