I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
