The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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