He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
