there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
