just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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