Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
