Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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