I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
