Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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