I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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