he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
