I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
