i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
