he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
