if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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