Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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