Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
