He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dick has a subreddit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
