i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
