My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
