Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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