remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
