i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think people are normalizing furries
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
