looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
