He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
