So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I enjoy the company of your penis
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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