I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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