Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
