I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
