your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am available for nakedness
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
