shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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