went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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