You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
