He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
