I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
