im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
