would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
