I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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