the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
