you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dicks are not precious.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize