I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
