Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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