it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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