I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If i come over, it means nothing
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize