Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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