Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
