My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
