4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
