If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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