party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
