people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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