it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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