You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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