Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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