I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
