i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just invented taco cereal.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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