If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
