i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
