what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
