i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
